[Buddha-l] Hal asks tough questions :-)

[Evelyn Ruut]

From: "Hal Cooper" <halc at xprt.net>

Evelyn>As to what is fair, if you were a little kid and got a big cookie and
the kid next to you got a little cookie, you'd know exactly why he was angry
and screaming it was "unfair" even as you ate the evidence :-)

Hal> How about if you are the observer?  You don't get a cookie nor do you
have desire for a cookie.  You see one kid get a little cookie and anotehr
kid get a big cookie.  Should you speak out and say "Hey No Fair," or should
you remain quiet - tolerating the unfairness?

Grandma Evelyn>  If the kid with the smaller cookie said nothing, I would say nothing and just let it slide.  Why borrow trouble?   If the small cookie kid noticed and complained, I would try and smooth his ruffled feathers with some other bribe, like a slightly bigger glass of soda.

Hal>  This also plays out in the bully scenario.  If a  bullie is picking on the
unpopular kid should you stand up for the unpopular kid at the risk of
getting beat up too?  

Evelyn>  Since you are asking me,..... I usually spoke up in defense of the unpopular kid, and then we both ran like hell if it looked like it was necessary.    Actually I made a very dear friend doing just that.  I defended her from some mean children who were teasing her for being foreign.  We remained friends from when we were both in the 7th grade until she died tragically in 1982 at the age of 41.   I ended up adopting her son.   So be very careful whom you defend from bullies!   You could have a friend for life and maybe their kids too.

Hal>What if it is a group of bullies?  

Evelyn>  Now you are pushing it.   I don't do well with gangs.   A few snotty bullies are nothing though.

Hal>  At what point do you stop protecting the unpopular kid?

Evelyn>  It depends..... if the kid is unpopular because he is a mean little brat, you maybe let him take his licking and grow up.   If it is a little crippled kid and someone is stealing his crutches and kicking sand in his face, then it is a little more obvious that an intervention may be in order.

OK so this has been a fun discussion, but back on a serious note, I can tell you that wisdom doesn't always come in neat little packages or in pat little phrases.  Defending others from bullies can become a self serving activity too, and may not be actually helping anyone but our own ego.   Applying such wisdom as the four way test can be helpful in sorting it out for ourselves.   Adversity shapes us as much as good fortune does, and the results aren't always bad.  It is a tough call and you need to have a little street smarts about it.

What do you think about the principle of defending others?


Best Regards,

Granny Evelyn
 
"Since everything is but an apparition, perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst into laughter."    –Longchenpa
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