[Buddha-l] Aung San Suu Kyi and the latest Burmese prosecutions

[Jim Peavler]

On May 21, 2009, at 11:38 AM, Richard Hayes wrote:

> On Wed, May 20, 2009 at 4:14 PM, Ben Carral <info at bcarral.org> wrote:
>

> As for my experiences being limited, I must agree with you. My
> experiences are limited in that they do no include your experiences or
> even Jim Peavler's experiences. They are limited in exactly the same
> way yours are limited, for your experiences do no include mine
> (although they may include Jim Peavler's, only because he has a leaky
> mind from which experiences dribble out into other people's
> consciousness continua).

Wow. we have finally come to an interesting subject in this exhausting  
thread -- Jim Peavler's experience!

(Irrelevant aside: my wife claims that my experiences do not leak but  
gush.)

I have collected a long catalogue of irrelevancies, red herrings,  
straw men, undistributed middles, and the like from this thread that I  
was going to triumphantly show everyone, but I will forbear out of  
kindness and mildness of temperament. Instead I will talk about my  
experience.

I must admit my experience is quite a lot like Richard's. Buddhist  
masters are authoritarian by definition. If they weren't there would  
be no point in calling them masters, bowing to them every time you spy  
them in the distance, groveling at their feet trying to tell them what  
is the meaning of the brown stuff on the stick without seeming to use  
English, trembling with fear of failure the thirtieth time you fail to  
get the koan, etc.

This does not mean that that they are not extremely valuable teachers  
who can really help change lives for the better. As my granddad said  
"Jimmy, I've seen it done."

On the other hand, if they weren't authoritarian they would be  
practically useless, except for doing chores around the house.

I have been trying to be serious about Buddhism for about thirty  
years. For over ten years I sat for some two hours five days a week in  
the dark hours before dawn. On Saturdays I usually sat longer. I  
wanted to become a monk (in the American style), dedicated to Renzai- 
ji, founded and run in an authoritarian way by the great zen master  
Roshi Joshu Sasaki. (It happens, by coincidence of place, that he is  
one of the zen masters that Richard knows.) I was completely unable to  
do it (the monkish thing) after trying about 25 years, so I decided to  
dedicate the rest of my life to explaining fossils to people at a  
natural history museum (being a fossil myself).

What went wrong? Nothing. But the Roshi was always telling me  
"Peavler. You think too much!" And my response was sometimes (when I  
got completely broken down by lack of sleep and screaming knees).  
Jesus Christ Roshi! I have spent my whole life and every cent I ever  
made going to universities and trying to learn how to think  
rationally! I cannot stop trying. I cannot shut it down. The son of a  
bitch echos up and down my skull and runs out my ears and mouth!  (I  
later read David Hume, but that is a different story.)

I am still completely dedicated to the Roshi, whom I love like a  
father (he os now 103 years old and still doing a full schedule of  
Roshi-like activities). I still sit, but I usually sit alone instead  
of the rather plushy zen center they built here in Albuquerque -- I  
prefer the bare plank floors of the Bodhi up in the mountains. I think  
a lot about buddhism and my relationship to it and my practice of it.  
I still consider myself a serious practicing buddhist. I am still very  
friendly with the roshi and many of the bikks and bikkhus, and I go to  
many of their social events. But I no longer lead any chants, or beat  
the drum or ring the bells or strike the han or wear robes and  
participate in rituals.

I've had other experiences, but I will save them for over the next  
campfire.

My experience of zen is that it is (rightly) completely authoritarian  
if you are interested in the monkish form, as I was. It is still  
completely authoritarian if you are not. I depend on the authority of  
teachers I have had, books I have read, educated and serious friends,  
and buddha-hell.  I don't decide myself what buddhism should be but  
try to understand authorities where I find them.

Jim Peavler
jmp at peavler.org